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Illegal Drugs
Funny Essay
Jokes & Quotes
A wink's as good as a nod to a blind bat

///\\___ (@ @) +----oOO----(_)-----------+ | My name is Gary | | | | I say blind bat | +-----------------oOO-----+ |__|__| || || ooO Ooo

Okay, let's get this formal stuff out of the way before I get into my site. There's not alot.

If you're short on time or you don't really want to spend alot of time here, the highlights of my site are the first two stories in "Stories", the essay, the Mitch Hedberg part in "extras",and this page that you're on right now.

For this site to work properly, you must set your screen resolution to 1024 x 768. To do this for Windows XP, go to Start>Control Panel>Appearance and Themes>Change the Screen Resolution and set it. For other windows systems, go to Start>Control Panel>Display, then go to the tab Settings and set it.

If u wanna see more ubercool, visit my friend toby's site or the site for Under The Pleather which is a kickass band that consists of my friends Kaelan, Sam, Garth and some weird kid named Riley.

You can email me suggestions about my site or tell me whats wrong as long as u compliment me too. Like, if links dont work or if your sound is plugged in but you don't hear the music, email me.

Don't be an idiot about the song, though, and make sure it's the song that's not playing if your gonna email me, not that your sound isn't working and you're too busy growing cabbage patch kids to notice. As a side note, if you haven't tried growing cabbage patch kids already, don't. The name is decieving - they're not actually cabbages. Trust me, I know. I spent two long summers with my friend Big Daddy trying to. He's the 300-pound motorcycle thug around these parts. He'll make sure that you can get by to use the restroom facilities if you give him a few sexual favours. What a standup guy.

Okay that's it.


When I get settled down, maybe i'll come up with some real content for my page, not all this fat stuff ("fat" means "lame" these days. That's something I learned from Big Daddy's little brother, Small Balls. After exploring him in his sleep, I can safely say he's been wrongly named). I know my page is a little barren rite now, but I'll add more soon, like quotes, jokes, my thoughts, "toby", and illegal drug marketing links. Besides, you can spend your time admiring all the lickable content that I do have. Mmmm. Licky.

1. Heres the introduction to my site. You'll probably want to read this.

2. Now its time for Gary's storytime! We'll all sit together, hold hands, wear straw skirts, give birth to lots of children named Rain, and read stories. This part is the best part on my site. You have to read this.

3. Now, normally, the extras are last on the list. Not here. What is here though, are the extras. This part of my site is pretty cool, the quotes from Mitch Hedberg are assing hilarious. Unlike you. Remember that time you were cool? No, because it never happened.

4. Here's some illegal drug marketing links. All those drug patrollers all over my back. They won't ever think to look here. Most of them can't even read and get ridiculed by the higher officials. I think one of them rebelled and joined a bunch of pirates, taking on the name Salty Bob.

5. Take my quiz. This is actually funny, probably one of the highlights of this site. This is on another site though, so when you're done taking the quiz just come back here.

6. This is the most bestest essay ever written, it's so hilarious and stupid. It's written by some Univeristy Student who must've been trying to fail his ass off. It's about the Greeks and anal lube. Worst essay ever but definitely something you have to see.

7. These are some funny jokes and quotes. They're pretty funny. If you're one of those weird against-racist/sexist people, don't come here. Not that I have racist or sexist jokes posted.

8. This + you = interactive.